


One last time

by outphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2022, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, I need to stop with the tags, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Meeting Again, Out of Character, but idk, dan and phil should get dogs, i suck at summaries, like completely, sorry for spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:19:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7712878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outphan/pseuds/outphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2009, Dan and Phil met.<br/>2017, Dan and Phil broke up.<br/>2022, Dan and Phil meet again.</p><p>In which Dan and Phil go out for an innocent dinner after 5 years. However the evening turns completely around.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One last time

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so, I wrote this fic in like 5 hours, tried to proofread it but there's only so much my tired, overworked brain can take.
> 
> Beware: grammar mistakes.

 

**2009**

As the train slowly pulls into the station, Dan stands up, anxiously fidgeting with the string of his hoodie. When they completely stop, he carefully swings the backpack over his shoulder, trying not to hit the old lady across the aisle. A swarm of human bodies takes him to the exit, there’s not enough space to turn around and just forget about it. A part of him, the awkward, always thinking part of him wants to because, _oh, God,_ it might be really uncomfortable. But another, and thankfully bigger part of him, keeps his legs moving.

When he is finally on the platform, he is looking around, looking for him. _What if he didn’t come? What if he doesn’t like me?_ He keeps turning his head, but the other boy is nowhere to be seen. _Oh, God, I’ve made a fool of myself, he’s not even…_

“Hey,” a voice says, touching Dan’s shoulder from behind. He’s heard this voice many times before, but hearing it for the first time in real life is truly magical.

Dan turns around to face Phil. They both smile, then Dan has to look away because a, Phil is even more beautiful in real life, b, he has to hide his red face.

“Hey,” Dan says, finally being able to look into Phil’s eyes.

 

**2017**

“This is it then, isn’t it?”

Phil hangs his head, then looks out the window, sadly nodding. “Yeah, Dan, this is it.”

There are no tears, no shouting. Just two adults wanting what’s best for each other. Truth is, they’ve grown apart over the years, Dan knows that. It’s not that he doesn’t love Phil, he does, he loves him more than anything, but sometimes, you just have to let that person go. These things happen.

“I uh… I found a flat,” Phil says, after a few minutes of silence. “I’ve got a van coming tomorrow, so I’ll be out of your hair after.”

“You know it’s not about that.”

“I know.”

Dan’s got a vague idea what will happen now. They’ll try to stay friends, talking a couple of times a week. Then those messages will get shorter and shorter and less frequent. It’s not what Dan wants, but it’s what best for the both of them. Their hectic careers put a lot of pressure on their relationship, so it seems breaking up is the best.

It’s a shame though, he’s a better person with Phil around. But he knows he can’t be _that_ selfish, he needs to think about Phil too.

“This is it, then…” Dan mumbles quietly.

 

**2022**

After a long, a scorching summer, autumn has finally arrived. But that means, it’s back to the crazy weeks, heavy workloads and endless meetings.

After the break up, Dan wasn’t enjoying YouTube. At all. He tried and tried to upload videos, but he lost his humour, his style and his uniqueness. He settled for overused tropes and he wasn’t happy with it. So after about eight months after the break up, he uploaded his final video. Then he disappeared from the internet for a couple of months, doing odd background jobs for the BBC, trying to figure out what to do. Even moved out of the old flat, too many memories and it wasn’t the same on his own.

Then, an opportunity fell in his lap. YouTube was opening a sort of learning centre in London and they needed someone with plenty of experience to work there. Dan got the job, and although he wasn’t exactly happy with it (he couldn’t say why, he just wasn’t), it was a good job. Over the years, he worked hard and lot and that got him promotion. He is now one of the executives of the centre, responsible for talented young people from disadvantaged background. Due to the nature of his work, he sees most of his YouTube friends. Well, except one.

Just as he predicted, he hasn’t seen or talked to Phil in two years. As far as he knows, Phil moved back to Manchester, working in MediaCity. But really, that’s all he knows. He wants to message him, just to say hi or ask how he’s doing, but he’s too much of a chicken shit for that. Phil probably has a boyfriend now. Or girlfriend. Maybe a whole family.

Dan tried to convince everyone that he’s moved on, but that’s just bullshit. He still loves Phil, he needs him in his life, but he can’t. He knows he can’t. Phil is happy now, Dan hopes.

 

On a cold, rainy mid-October afternoon Dan’s fed up with work. Too much to do, not enough time, not enough resources and way too much stress for his liking. He needs to take a break or his head will explode.

He could get coffee in Starbucks which is just around the corner, but he’s not sure if caffeine is the best idea. So rather he decides to take the rest of the afternoon off to go to a tea house overlooking the Thames. Yes, technically he _could_ get tea in Starbucks too, but there’s one thing Starbucks doesn’t have: dogs. It’s been his favourite place ever since it opened a year ago. You can get tea AND hugs dogs who are always happy to see you? There’s nothing better than this.

So Dan goes there, ordering his favourite brand of black tea with a splash of milk and sits in the corner where two of his best friends, Sunshine, a golden retriever mix and Biscuit, a black who-the-hell-knows mix sitting, like they are waiting for him.

“Ah, hello babies.” The dogs happily wag their tails, with Biscuit hitting another dog in the face. “How was your week?”

Dan always buys snacks for the dogs and even though it’s no allowed, he does give them a couple while he’s there. The three of them happily spend the next hour together, Dan talking and playing with the dogs and the dogs licking Dan’s face whenever they get a chance to.

He’s leaving, about to walk out the front door when his worst/best dream comes true. They look at each other for a few long seconds, not saying anything, eyes big, not believing what is happening.

“Hey,” Phil finally says, breaking the silence.

“Uhm, hey,” Dan’s aware of his loosened, probably dog salivated tie. He’s also aware of how extraordinarily stunning Phil is. His hair is more adulty now, lost most of his fringe. He is also wearing his glasses and a grey suit with a black leather cross body bag.

“Wow, Dan, I can’t believe I’ve run into you! I’ve been thinking about you. How long has it been?”

Dan wants to answer, but all his brain can register is ‘I’ve been thinking about you.’ He swallows his sadness and does his best to answer Phil. “A while.”

“A while,” Phil repeats, smiling, his gaze never leaving Dan’s face. Dan, however cannot look Phil in the eye. “Anyway, are you in a hurry? It would be nice to catch up.”

“Yeah, sorry, I’m uh…” Dan clears his throat. “I’m late for a meeting.”

“Dinner then tomorrow? Please? One last time?”

Dan finally has the strength to look Phil in the eyes. “Sure, that’d be nice,” he says, smiling weakly.”

“Are you still living in the flat?” Phil asks, his eyes curious. Dan can see that Phil is kind of hoping for a yes.

“No, I uh… I moved a while ago.”

“Oh, okay, well, I’ll call you tomorrow for your address if your number is still the same and I’ll pick you up.”

“That’s not necessary, really”

“I insist.”

Dan nods, then he furrows his brows. “What did you mean by one last time?”

“Oh, I’m getting married in three months,” Phil says, lifting his left hand as a proof.

Dan smiles, but it’s not genuine. But he has to be happy for Phil, he has to. “Oh, congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Phil sadly smiles, looking away.

“Anyway I’ve gotta go, but I’ll uh… I’ll be expecting your call tomorrow.”

Dan walks away, almost running, trying to get as far as possible. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ is going through his head as he heads home. Why did he say yes to the dinner? I’ll just mess everything up, nothing good can come out of this.

 

Phil calls him the next day. Dan spent the night tossing and turning, trying to come up with one good reason why he should cancel. He thought Phil being engaged would be a good reason, but then again, it’s just an innocent dinner. They haven’t seen each other in years, so yeah, one last time will be good.

Phil says he’ll pick Dan up at 7. He doesn’t say where they’re going, but tells Dan that there’s dress code. Being the anxious person Dan is, he leaves work half an hour earlier, leaving him two hours to get ready.

After a quick shower, he manages to spend the next hour or so trying to find the perfect outfit, changing in and out shirts and suits and fancy shoes. By the time he picks an outfit, he’s sweaty again, but with only 15 minutes to spare he has to settle for deodorant.

He stands in front of his full-length mirror, observing his outfit once again. It’s a charcoal suit with white shirt, no tie and black shoes. As boring as it gets. He’s fixing his hair (pretty much the same style he’s always had, just shorter), when the bell rings.

“Yeah?” Dan says shakily, as he presses the buzzer.

“You ready? The cab’s waiting.”

“I’ll be down in two seconds.”

Dan pockets his phone, wallet and keys. He would also like to stall, but the sooner he goes the sooner it’ll be over.

 

Phil is standing by the cab, casual leaning against the door. He’s wearing grey pants, blue shirt and a black jacket and those bloody glasses. Phil also knows that they make Dan weak at the knees.

“Hey,” Phil says, opening the cab door, ushering Dan in. He jumps in followed by Phil, who sits a bit too closely. Not that Dan minds, but still. “Mayfair Restaurant, please, thank you.” Dan looks at Phil, confused and a bit angry. It takes a few seconds, but Phil notices this. “What?”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are we going there?”

“Because it’s a really good restaurant.”

Dan scoffs, fidgeting with his cufflink. Ironically, Phil gave him this cufflink for his 25th birthday. “Don’t play the innocent card, Phil, you know better.”

“Dan, it has nothing to do with that. Yes, we’ve had hour 5th anniversary dinner there. But that’s it. I got promoted, we just met again in God knows how many years, we deserve the best.”

Dan nods, but he is still sulking. He knew this would be an awkward dinner…

 

… okay, he has to admit, it’s not that awkward. It takes three glasses of wines, but the conversation is pleasant enough to enjoy. It’s nice to catch up, really.

Phil talks about his life, he has a lot to tell. He was really living in Manchester, working on TV programmes. He liked his job, but he was looking for more, so he started working for a book publishing company, which just promoted him to lead the London office, so they’re moving back. With Sally.

Phil doesn’t say a lot about her, just that they met at the publishing company, now Sally wants to open her own. Dan has to keep reminding himself that Phil is getting married soon.

Then Phil asks Dan about his life, but there’s nothing to tell. Dan talks a bit about the YouTube Academy job, about the faces of kids when they learn something new, about the friends he sees at work. Nothing too personal, hoping that Phil doesn’t notice.

“What about your love life? You have anyone?” Phil asks over dessert. The night is, thankfully, coming to an end soon and Dan can go back to his sad life and do his best to forget about Phil. _As if._

“Uhm… I’ve had dates, nothing serious though.”

“No one then?”

Dan shakes his head, chugging the rest of his wine. He then signals the waiter to bring him another one. It’s a mistake he’ll come to regret, but future him can deal with that, he needs that wine now.

After this, they talk about the future of YouTube a bit. By the time, Dan finishes the 4th glass, he’s tipsy enough to say and do things without thinking first. They split the bill, then walk outside. Dan fixes Phil’s jacket when its collar sticks up.

“So…” Dan says, smiling. He wants to stop himself, but his wine intoxicated brain is in control.

“So… What now?”

“Well, I guess we could go on our separate ways and never meet again…”

Phil’s pouting a little. “Or?”

“Or I could show you this really awesome video I’ve been working on.”

“Well,” Phil says as he starts buttoning his jacket, “I like the second idea better.”

The taxi ride home is too long. Dan knows that nothing will happen, his subconscious keeps reminding him of the fact that Phil has a fiancée. Still, a drunk one can hope. Especially since they chat about the weekend they spent in France in 2016.

“And remember the whale we saw? It was huge!” Phil says, laughing, his laughter making Dan even more drunk.

“Yeah, well, every animal is huge with you.”

“True, but this was really.” Phil sighs. “Oh, I loved that balcony. Overlooking the ocean, drinking our coffees there every morning.”

“It was nice, yeah.”

“Remember that bakery just around the corner? I ate so much croissant I had stomach cramps.”

“Only you can do that,” Dan sadly smiles then looks out the window. He was going to propose that weekend, the last weekend they spent in peace and quiet. But he left the ring at home and he wasn’t going to do it without it. After that their life turned upside down, project, videos, sponsorships, everything. Half a year later they were broken up.

“You’re quiet.”

Dan looks back at Phil. “Sorry. Uhm…”

“What’s up?”

This was a secret he never shared with anyone, a secret that’s been a burned for five years now. And when a secret this big stay secret for this long, it’s meant to come up. “Did you know that I wanted to propose that weekend?” They are quiet for a very long time. Dan is looking at his hands, but he can feel Phil’s gaze on his face. Dan is the first to speak. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Why didn’t you? I mean propose.”

Dan looks at Phil, confused. “What’s the point of digging up the past, huh?”

“I want to know.”

Dan sighs. “I left the ring at home. It didn’t feel right to do It without the ring.”

“Oh, Dan…”

Dan shakes his head, then looks out the window. They’ll be at Dan’s in a few seconds. Dan knows that he’ll send Phil home. It’s for the best, for both of them, to forget about each other. For good this time.

The cab pulls over, and as soon as it stops, Dan jumps out. Phil wants to get out too, but Dan quickly shuts the door. “I don’t think you should come up.”

“Dan…”

“There’s no point, okay?” Dan’s smiling sadly. “You’re getting married.”

They are quiet for a few seconds, then Phil speaks again. “Please? Just for a minute. I’d love to see the video you’re making.”

Dan, cursing himself deep down, nods and opens the door. Phil pays the cabbie, then they climb up to Dan’s first floor flat. While Dan finds the video on the hard disk, Phil walks around the living room, looking at everything. He occasionally smiles whenever he finds something from the old flat, but other than that, he’s taking the room in quietly.

“It’s on,” Dan says as he sits down.

Phil sits down next to him, their knees touching. Dan’s face is getting redder and redder, but he doesn’t say anything. He starts the video, then leans back, still uncomfortable.

The video is only three minutes long, and about the opportunities for young people at the Academy. Dan is watching the video, yet all he knows is Phil. He’s not aware of anything else, just the fact that their knees are still touching. It’s been so long since he was this close to him. If only… But he can’t.

“It was good,” Phil says, proudness in his voice.

“Thanks.”

They are quiet for a bit, Phil’s still looking around the living room, Dan’s secretly looking at Phil. _Why did I let you go?_ , Dan asks himself.

“Uh, won’t Sally look for you?”

“No.”

There it is again, that quiet. It was never uncomfortable with them, but this time it’s definitely heavy. _Why isn’t he leaving? I need my life back, I need to forget about him._ Dan sighs. He just wants to let go of Phil, for good. It’s just so bloody hard.

Then, that wine intoxicated brain of his makes him ask Phil something that sober Dan was never going to.

“Do you love Sally as much as we loved each other?”

Phil looks at Dan, shocked and confused. He spends a few long seconds thinking, then answer. “You know the answer for that.” Then, before Dan could say, do or even think anything, he feels Phil’s lips on his own. Dan wants to kiss back, he does, _oh, God_ , but he knows better. He pushes Phil away. They don’t look at each other, Dan is waiting for Phil to say anything, but when he finally does, it’s not what he is expecting. “I know this sounds childish, but uh, can I tell you a secret?”

“Go on,” Dan says, moving away from Phil. Just in case.

Phil hesitates for a second, then starts talking. “Sally’s from New Zealand, her visa’s expiring and she can’t get a new one. So we have to get married in order for her to stay here. We’ve dated for like a month a few years ago but it was nothing.”

“What?”

“We’re just getting married so that she can stay here and open her book publishing thing.”

“Wait, that doesn’t make sense.” Dan stands up, starts pacing up and down. He wants to shout, he wants to be angry at Phil, but there are too many thoughts going through his head. “This is confusing,” Dan mumbles, just to himself. He then looks at Phil, waiting for answers. “Okay, so the too long, didn’t read version. You come back to my life after five years, you say you’re getting married, you then take me out to dinner where we had our fifth anniversary, then manage to invite yourself back to mine, then you kiss me, then you say you’re getting married, but not really. This is fucked up, even for you.”

“Okay, so once she overstayed her visa, got deported, but then she came back and we need to get married because she wants to stay here.”

“Why you? Why is it only you, huh? Why do you have to be so nice?”

They are quiet again. Dan wants to say something, curse Phil to hell and back, but he’s also afraid that one wrong word and Phil will be out of his door, never to be seen again.

It’s Phil again who speaks first. “Do you still love me?”

Dan scoffs, looking at Phil. “Of course I do.”

Phil stands up, walks over to Dan, putting his hands on Dan’s shoulder. Dan eases into the moment, enjoying Phil’s touch way too much. “Say it and I’ll cancel the wedding.”

“You can’t Phil. She’ll have to go home otherwise.”

“She’ll find another way, I don’t care. I do care about you, however.” Dan is biting his lower lip, deep in thought. Phil’s here, finally here, touching Dan’s shoulder. And he’s offered to cancel the wedding. Dan wants nothing more to be with Phil again, but what if that stress happens? Will they just break up again? Of course, they are both older now and Dan’s ready to settle down. Ever since they saw each other for the first time in real life, Dan wanted to settled down with Phil. And now, Phil is pretty much offering him that. “I’ve never stopped thinking about you, Dan. I loved you more than anything. I still do. I know it’s cliché, but I’ve always loved that stupid, stupid face of yours.”

 _He’s saying those words you’ve longed to hear, you idiot,_ Dan thinks. Then why isn’t it enough for him? Old Dan would’ve jumped into Phil’s arms by now. New Dan more thoughtful than that.

“What if…” Dan starts, but Phil interrupts him.

“I don’t care about what ifs. We’ll make this work. I want to be with _you._ Just you. It was a huge mistake letting you go, but there’s nothing to be done about that now. I’ll do anything to prove that I want you. Why are you resisting?”

“I’m just afraid that some shit will happen again and we’ll break up and I have to let you go again. I’m not sure how many times I can do that, Phil.”

“You won’t have to.” Phil lifts Dan’s hands and kisses the knuckles. “Believe me, please.”

After a few seconds of thinking, Dan smiles and nods. “Okay. I believe you.”

“Can I finally kiss you now?”

“Please.”

Dan’s heart sings when Phil kisses him. It starts out gently, as a way of getting to know each other all over again and deep down Dan feels like he’s that 19-year-old kid who went across the country to do something brave and stupid.

The kiss then turns into a more passionate, more suggestive one, then Dan takes Phil’s hand and raises an eyebrow, asking a silent question. Phil just grins and lets Dan to lead him the bedroom.

 

Phil is spread out on Dan’s bed with Dan resting his head on Phil’s stomach. Phil is playing with Dan’s hair as Dan presses butterfly kisses on Phil’s tummy. Dan’s happy, happier than he’s been in the last five years.

“I have a very stupid idea,” Phil says quietly. Dan looks up, only to see Phil grinning. “Come here!” Phil opens his arms and Dan crawls his way up, until Phil is hugging him.

“What’s your very stupid idea?”

“Remember when we were in Vegas for your 21st birthday?”

Dan chuckles and closes his eyes. “I’d rather forget that, I don’t want to be that drunk again.”

“No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about all those couple we saw and we said you either have to be really stupid or really in love to get married in Vegas.”

Dan’s eyes fly open ad he looks at Phil with a mixture of horror, shock and surprise. “What are you saying?”

“How about I booked two tickets for tomorrow morning?”

Dan sits up, way too fast and it makes him dizzy. He rubs his face. “What are you saying?” he repeats.

Phil sits up too. “I was stupid enough to let you go once, I don’t want to make that mistake again. So, Daniel, would you come to Vegas with me to marry me within like the next 24 hours?”

Dan’s too shocked to talk for a few seconds, then he grins and pretty much jumps on Phil, knocking him back. “Yes! Yes, yes and a thousand more yeses!” Dan kisses him until they can’t laugh.

Phil then gets his phone and starts looking for tickets. At one point is stares at the screen, then smiles. After locking his phone, he pulls Dan closer.

“Guess what day is tomorrow. Well, technically today as it is after midnight.”

“You know I don’t like guessing.”

“19th October. Guess it’s appropriate we’re getting married today.”

Both of them smile, Dan hiding his face in Phil’s shoulder. _I’m so damn lucky_ , Dan thinks. He then looks at Phil. “I love you. God, it feels so fucking good to say this again.”

“I love you.”

Dan kisses Phil’s shoulder as Phil goes back to buying the tickets.

 


End file.
